adventures in spam

I swear by all that is holy, these are true subject lines from my current mountain of spam. This doesn't include the mountain of crap that is in Japanese, Chinese, Korean, or any writing system aside from Latin.

• Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive - I think it would have made more sense if I had been drinking...
• Need cash, pebble-shaped - I know I've been out of the loop a bit, but when did we go back to stones?
• dear russian schoolgirl - Uh, last I checked I'm not Russian...
• test xeg - WTF?
• I burned sixty calories - So did I, deleting all my spam.
• Message subject - Hint: this is where you put the subject. Good guess on what that box is for.
  
• We bring Vegas to you! - Can you imagine the shipping costs?
• Cash out, scale bug - Excuse me?
  
• You don't have the guts to stay away from your refrigerator? - Actually, it's quite easy for me to stay away from the refridgerator. The last time I opened it, whatever is living in there told me to turn out the light.
• Lower payments, hematin crystals - First our currency changes to pebbles, then hematin crystals? What is a hematin crystal, anyway?
• Keep Sweden tidy, shoot a tourist - I'm pretty sure there's a law against that.
• oscillotro 2504 - Sounds like something that's only 4 payments of $29.99, and will fix my dinner for me. Or something like that.
• RE: 25 - I always thought it was 42...
  

Now, that doesn't include all the emails telling me how to get "lowe$t pr1ces on druug$", or links for "hot poorn". Although this week, for some reason the ol' spam folder is full of emails telling me how I can find "young bonnie lasses". Why the rash of Scottish porn? I don't care about the lasses anyway. I plea the Fifth on the sheep...