Friday, July 21, 2006

mira's (mis)adventures

Vicodin Land is back again (details of how I got here in a minute) so anything I produce for the next few days will be either crap or crack. Possibly both. I'm hoping I don't screw up posting some kitty pics here in a minute.

Yep, I managed to hurt myself. Again. This time it was the Evil Attack Lawn Chair. You know those folding camp chairs, the ones that come with a nice carrying case and fold up to about 8"x8"x3'? I have one of the super-deluxe models, it has a footrest and reclines. Well, a word of advice to everyone out there, make sure when setting up your chair (unfolding it), that you don't put one of the legs in or over a hole in the yard. This is vitally important. Remember this, it could save your life.

I learned this was Vitally Important when I leaned ever-so-slightly to the right and fell right the fuck over on my side. The Evil Attack Lawn Chair took this opportunity to try to eat me. Even my beloved dogwood tree got in on the action and took a chunk out of (OK, scraped) my wrist.

Let me paint a mental picture. Mira is laying on her side, this damn chair folded up AROUND her, right wrist, shoulder and back hurting like a mother-fucker, and can't get free from the Evil Chair of Doom. The Chair of Doom has her pinned next to previously mentioned dogwood tree, which did nothing to help me escape. Did I mention this is at 1AM, so nobody can see me and I don't have my cell on me?

Yeah. Loads of fun. So I slowly self-extricate from the Evil Woman-eating Chair, and I don't use the word "extricate" lightly. I seriously was trapped when it folded up around me. Considering calling for help kind of trapped. I manage to drag my sorry ass out of the chair and make it to my feet. I ended up using some sort of ninja-roll/kick to free my legs so I could get out of the Evil Chair and make it to my feet.

This was at 1AM Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon I had to work (model) and couldn't get an appointment with my doctor until yesterday. The Evil Chair of Doom was a new one for him, and Dr. F is a part-time ER doc, in addition to his family practice. He ordered X-rays of my wrist (which looks like I botched a suicide attempt with the bandage over the scrape), shoulder, and ribs. Fortunately, I bend, but I do not break. Still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, though.

So now I'm lazily making my way through Vicodin/Skelaxin Land. It is such a beautiful place, full of pretty colors and funny things.

Evil Attack Lawn Chair: $20
Co-pay for office visit: $15
Prescriptions: Let's not go there.
Being able to tell this story: Priceless.

(Bill Engval, please do not sue me over the use of Vicodin Land(TM). If you haven't seen him do his Vicodin Land bit, you need to. Hilarious. Even while not on Vicodin.)

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