Wednesday, March 30, 2005

sick and tired of being sick and tired

Fair warning, this is going to be one of those rants and raves.

Let's see if I can make it through this week without missing any days. Every time I get over the last round of crud, I either catch something else completely or I wasn't as well as I thought and it comes back. Case in point, the bronchitis is trying to come back, again. Something like the 5th time this winter. I'm rapidly loosing the energy to fight off another round of crud, and to top it all off, Saturday while Tom and I were walking through the grocery store, I started experiencing the sharp abdominal pain that sent me to the emergency room in December with gastritis (stomach flu). I don't need this shit.

I'm constantly exhausted right now, and no amount of sleep will really help. I'll sleep 12-14 hours on the weekends just to get caught up on rest. I get 7-8 hours sleep a night during the week, but that's just not cutting it. Hell, I was basically sent home from work yesterday because I looked like hell. "Do you have to be here? No? Why don't you go ahead and head out then. You look exhausted." Not that it matters, tomorrow's going to be a 12 hour day here, so I needed to leave a little early anyway.

It's sad when doing your laundry, or vacuuming the floors is exhausting. God knows my house could use a thorough cleaning, top to bottom. I don't have the energy to keep up with the cat puke, dishes, laundry, and floors, much less get a good round of spring cleaning done. I'm by no means implying Tom doesn't help out, I'm simply not always able to do my fair share. Or I do, and don't let on just how wore out I am.

It's pathetic when you can't even go visit your family for a weekend because of concern the combination of cold, crappy weather and travel will cause another relapse of the bronchitis/pneumonia. Yeah, Tom and I were supposed to go visit Mom, Dad, and crew this weekend, which has now been scrapped. Arrgh! I've already developed a productive cough, AGAIN, which is why we're not going. I can't do this shit anymore.

Not to mention the Rescue Squad. Yes, I'm still working my weekly shift, for now, although I'm about ready to turn my gear in and be done with it. In the particular Squad I'm a member of, we're all responsible for getting our shifts covered if we can't work it. So, when I've had to call in sick, I've had to beg, plead, and bribe someone to cover for me. Then I owe that person a shift at some future point. You can see how the shifts I owe people can start to build up fast. I love volunteering as an EMT, but it's rapidly becoming too much, especially when we're up half the night and I have to go to work the next day. There are other organizations that I can volunteer with, even as an EMT, that would require less time, less physical stress. It's been 10 years of fun that I think is rapidly coming to an end. The local cat rescue folks always need fosterers for kittens, I can do that. Hell, I'll even go out with Friends of Ferals and trap a few ferals. It's something I can do.

Then there's always the financial side of it. I've been out of work sick, without pay, for half of this past pay period. I used up all of my sick leave and went in the red in December, after going to the ER and being sicker than shit. Every day I stay home sick is a day I don't get paid. Great for blogging, shitty for earning a living.

I've got to go do something else, writing this is getting too depressing. Dammit. Maybe I'll go take some more pictures of spring scenery before my acupuncture appointment this afternoon.

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